Those days holidays for me was just moving to my cousin’s place, not exactly but indeed to meet Manu. There’s no better feeling than feeling loved. Yep, I felt it that day. I reached his house, he and his brother were watching some old Bollywood songs. I just knocked the door as I arrived, and my eyes searched for his mom there was complete silence and his aunt came out with tired face I was bit nervous.

Welcome” he bloomed as he stood up.

Hi” as I smiled at him. I chuckled. “Where is Mom?” I questioned 

He pointed towards the bedroom with his eyes full of tears. She was lying down there on the death bed with cervix cancer. He busted out and hugged me tightly for no reason.

I was just shocked and froze and hugged him back and asked him why did he hid all this from me, why? And when this all happened, he was just silent. “Nobody has seen the future, just be brave to accept what comes.” I added. And I took his hand in mine, he squeezed my hand as if he was getting some strength to go on. For that moment I felt ‘Death bed’ playing in my head. And I just dint wanted to let him go. I dint have any strength of my own, though I shared no blood with her, I felt my stomach crumble to the core seeing her just lay on the bed with those darkened, lifeless eyes. I wanted to hug him tight and give him whatever strength was left in me and somehow felt desperate to prove to him that everything was going to be alright. As if I wanted to be his mom for that moment and hide him in my laps from all this pain I saw in his eyes. I wanted to save him from this horrible world, this monster named fate. And I felt so helpless failing to do so. I silently prayed to God to subtract all the happiness he had planned for me and add them into Manu’s life. Somehow, I felt this will be our life’s perfect equation. But felt the worst kind of helplessness and just stood there holding his hands in mine and looking into his eyes no knowing what more to say.

 Something in me changed that day with this visit, I wasn’t sure what it was. There were no words to describe it.

I wanted to tell Adhi about this. But I needed time to clear my own thoughts which was whirling inside my head.

Even Adhi could not wait to hear all about my visit. He called me and asked how was the day? I narrated in detail every single thing that had happen ever since I went to his house.
He was sad, no words uttered from him he just hung up. 

The next day I started caring Manu like a kid, may be because of the sympathy that he was losing his mother. It became a new routine of staying back at his home helping in household work. In fact, I enjoyed being with them. We were developing the bond that was becoming stronger as the days passed.

I did not blab out a word of this to Adhi, I didn’t want to. Somewhere, I knew I wasn’t waiting for his texts or calls anymore with same eagerness that I used to… Lot of things had changed.

A Night before my departure …

I, Tanmay and Manu had a small night party on terrace. Both Manu and Tanmay downed the shots one after another. Both got fully out of control. Tanmay just ended it and moved downstairs to his room and fell asleep in a jiffy. Manu slept on my laps… I woke him up, he gulped down a glass or two. He came close to me; I could feel his alcoholic breath right in front of my nose. He started to lean and about to hold my face…. But Adhi (his call) came in between, Manu suddenly tapped the button and hugged me very tightly I hugged him back…. 

Anu… I love you but you love Adhi…. And we both are just best friends even I can never be your type right?” he started crying. “You are my special person I can feel my mom in you.” He added.

I really felt dizzy and unaware of the words. He was talking, Friends… Adhi… Love… mom… your type…

I just lied down with everything around me left like it was, I went blank. I just needed to move on with this relationship further as I was about to move back to my place but I asked him to just sleep. 

It was something more than friendship but it was not love. It was my tiny infinity relationship which no one would understand.

Morning I woke up with big hangover. Beep beep…. My cell-phone was buzzing. It was Adhi. I picked up the call.

There was a massive Hang over. He was angry for ignoring his calls and messages from last night.
As soon as I absorbed the reality I realized it was not my home I was at Manu’s place curled up in a black blanket like a cocoon.

Adhi: So, you are up now? Do you even know what you were doing yesterday? He almost kissed you, I can guess.

Anu: wait, what? You kidding right? Dude we are just best friends, you know that and by the way how do you know?

He reveled the truth that when he had called me, Manu instead of pressing the red, He had pressed green. And he had just heard our conversation. We both hadn’t noticed that of course. Adhi was enraged at me, he scolded me for getting boozed, “You better be quick and pack your bag right now” he was shouting and I could clearly see his red face.

I was in a mess, I just wore my t shirt tied my hair in bun and left the place!!!!

I was trying to make sense of this. A war was going on inside my head until I reached my place.

You can’t follow your heart when it is more confused than your head. I was just fucked up, I took my pain killer pills and slept off on my bed, but then I got call from Manu.

MANU: you idiot you left me alone on terrace and went off, my head is paining really very bad.

ANU: Chill dude take some pill or lemonade you feel better.

MANU: Ha by the way I’m sorry for everything about last night, I actually don’t know what I was confessing to you.

I just wanted to ignore the conversation about last night so I just hung up the call. I was happy with everything but messed up with mind so I started writing note to Adhi as I feared to face him.

HI waste,
Sorry for my drunk night, he just expressed his feelings towards me but I don’t think he was aware of it and for me he is my best friend, the poster partner and I don’t want to create mess in the name of love and ruin this beautiful bond we share, I’ll always be there for him but we are just friends. Hope you are clear about what’s on my mind, as soon as possible let’s sort everything out.
Yours ANU

I put it in a cover and handed it over him.

There was no reply from him for many days. So, I just went to his home, in his absence I went through all his stuff to find reply to my letter instead I found a greeting from his girlfriend. The same thing which had brought a big fight between us. That day I was not able to open it, so I opened it now. There was big love symbol with a caption “TO MY SUNSHINE… FOREVER LOVE” with a snap of both hugging each other held safely in the pouch while all my writings and cards during his birthday were laid aside. I just felt bad because even though I’m not desperate for attentions, just sometime when I step out  of my comfort zone for someone I want them to appreciate my little things…

Anyways Adhi will never understand, may be I’ll never show... with moist eyes I just rearranged everything and wrote “you guys are perfect” below the snap and I just came back to my home…

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